Being You
In my previous post, I briefly examined our tendency to follow the crowd and bend to social pressures—much to the detriment of our own talents, passions, and beliefs. It’s not hard to convince people of the merits of being authentic. Instead, the challenge for most of us is in determining what it means to be authentic.
One useful exercise is to think back to our youth and remind ourselves of what we loved doing the most, especially when others weren’t looking. As a kid, I had a strange fascination with analytical instruments and measuring tools. I would collect them and measure objects around me. I loved to read extensively about historical and cultural venues that I would visit, even during my primary school years. Growing up, I had the good fortunate of traveling to Europe with my parents. The weight of our suitcase on our trip home was largely dictated by the scale and size of books that I insisted on buying. I also loved cameras. I studied every facet of their operation. I liked having a separate light meter and would literally go up to other camera buffs to ask them about the focal lengths and apertures settings. I took to computer programming, and even managed to win a competition with my friends in sixth grade.
If you think back to your early years, you’ll probably realize that this was one of the most authentic—and truly joyful—periods in your life; a time when you could pursue your natural interests unencumbered by social or professional pressures.
When I became a teenager, I began to look at some of my choices, behaviors, and predilections and noticed how divergent they were from my peers, especially the kids who seemed popular. I didn’t want to be a nerd or a geek or seem just plain weird. So, I learned to conform. Over time, this process of conforming becomes less intentional, and we naturally find ourselves favoring the behaviors and choices of the people around us.
As you seek greater authenticity in your life, I encourage you to think back to your youth to see what unabated passions you had before anyone censured you. Sometimes the lessons are clear and tangible—you rediscover a passion for travel, art, music, or writing. Other times, there’s a deeper meaning to be cultivated that goes beyond the surface activities. My reading was really about uncovering truths about the world around me. Computer programming was actually about creative expression and designing something novel and useful. It wasn't computers I loved, it was the writing of meaningful and useful code. In other words, in many cases, there’s a deeper meaning to an early pursuit or innate interest; one that can directly translate to leading a more authentic life.
The beauty about seeing the substance of what you loved—not just the superficial activities—is that it allows you to more easily translate these passions to your present life. You’ll probably never become a professional musician, artist, or poet, but you can still make time for these things in your schedule. Also, you can infuse the essence of these activities in seemingly unrelated endeavors. For me, remembering my passion for discovering universal truth changes the relationship I have with my scientific work. I don't just collect data and try to generate some utility; I seek a deeper understanding.
Another important exercise is auditing your life to see what activities or tendencies tend to repeatedly arise. I loved traveling when I was a kid, and while there were stretches of time where traveling was absent in my life, I always came back to it. The gravitational pull was too strong. As I reflect upon my life, there are other pursuits—such as running, physics, reading, and learning new things—that have always managed to pop up no matter how busy or distracted I was.
Which activities brought you joy and fulfillment in your youth? What hobbies or interests repeatedly pop back into your life, even as your responsibilities and priorities change?
If you need to make a choice between being your authentic self or conforming for the sake of the crowd, I think you know the right answer. The reality is that people will judge you whether you try to conform or not, so you might as well choose authenticity, joy, and fulfillment. In the end, the best way to win the respect of people who matter most to you is to be the most authentic version of yourself.