Choose Happiness—Pursue Fulfillment
Happiness isn’t something we pursue. Or find. It’s something we choose.
It may not seem that way at times, yet even the guardrails around happiness are our own creation. Fill in the blanks. I can’t be happy unless _______. In order for me to be happy, I must be _______. At some point, we just have to make a choice as to whether we want to be happy despite the fact that things aren’t quite the way we want them.
The Declaration of Independence of The United States of America literally designates the pursuit of happiness, alongside life and liberty, as the inalienable rights endowed by our creator. Yet it’s worth recalling that Virginia's Declaration of Rights (June 12, 1776) was the source of Thomas Jefferson’s opening words of the US Declaration of Independence (July 4, 1776). In the early draft, Americans were granted, “the enjoyment of life and liberty, with the means of acquiring and possessing property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.” The emphasis is mine. And my point is, the initial and more complete framing clearly accentuated the attainment of happiness, not just its pursuit of it.
How are we to obtain happiness? What is happiness? Life and liberty, though abstract concepts, seem more tangible than whatever rights might be required for any individual to attain happiness.
The reality is whatever parameters we set for happiness are arbitrary—and likely fickle. If we set a dollar amount on how much money we need, we’re more likely to raise the bar once we exceed it. If we’re fortunate enough to exceed the monetary bar, then new criteria emerge. Our kids need to go to certain schools. And get perfect grades. Joey must lead the soccer team in goals. And master the cello. Maybe we need to travel to certain places to be happy. Stay at particular hotels. And the service at the hotels must be impeccable, otherwise, we most certainly will not be happy. The bar keeps rising and the goalposts keep moving.
If you truly demarcate a path to happiness, you quickly run into the arbitrariness of the criteria or the absurdity of the exercise. The whole thing is so fungible and ambiguous, it’s hard not to wonder, “Should we even be pursuing happiness?”
I’m an advocate for choosing happiness and pursuing fulfillment.
Semantics, perhaps. Yet I think there’s a point to be made here. Building my first venture business was a slog. I spent countless hours studying regulatory requirements, comparing structured financing documents to learn about key provisions, and countless meetings on the road speaking to clients who weren’t going to bite. I wasn’t pursuing happiness. I was pursuing fulfillment. The fulfillment of doing something that was meaningful to me. The ultimate achievement would satisfy a major aspiration of mine and prove gratifying. I’m not sure I would have gone through it all if I was trying to be happy along the way. But, in retrospect, I’m happy I did it.
People I love sometimes tell me they “just want me to be happy.” It’s a nice sentiment, but it never truly resonates with me. There are a range of emotions and experiences that are life-enhancing, or at least serve some constructive purpose beyond the simplicity of happiness. Sometimes we are perplexed, or flummoxed, or stultified, or abhorred.
Is happiness a momentary experience, like joy, or a longer-term experience like fulfillment? Or perhaps something in between. A picnic brings us joy, a good day with our family renders us happy, and an impactful career leads to fulfillment.
I’m a huge proponent of positivity, and especially constructive positivity. This concept isn’t about ascribing the best possible world assessment to whatever circumstances emerge (as Pangloss would say in Voltaire's Candide) but rather seeing the path forward from wherever we are.
So, choose happiness on the path to fulfillment, and create joyous moments along the way. Realize that the journey will have moments of triumph and tragedy, and that happiness won't be found hidden behind some secret door or lying under a tree. Nor will it be pursued like a goose on the loose. Instead, happiness will be determined as part of a statement of gratitude. Gratitude enables happiness because it cherishes what we do have. While we acknowledge the journey ahead, and the travails that we’ve faced and will face, we see the beauty and wonder in it all. Not the need for it to be a certain way, just the need for us to be on the path—wherever it may lead.
If anything, true happiness is abandoning its pursuit and embracing the preciousness and scarcity of the moment. Pursue fulfillment, yet don’t expect every moment to be joyful. You need not feel guilty if you’re not as happy as you or others think you ought to be in every moment. You need not be happy in every moment or on command. If you lead a life of purpose and meaning, kindness and compassion, perseverance and resolution, you will find joy and fulfillment. And this, in the end, is choosing happiness.