Compassion for Others

In my last post, I wrote about self-compassion. Once we develop a strong sense of self-compassion, it becomes much easier to develop a sense of compassion for others. The simplest mechanism to effectuate this is to realize that other people aren’t much different from us. We all want to be loved, respected, heard, seen, and acknowledged. If you’re worthy of compassion, and your loved ones are worthy of compassion, then it stands to reason that others are as well.

Showing compassion for other people is the most profound way to connect with them. When you think about the reasons you love someone, positive attributes likely come to mind. You love how attractive, smart, funny, or wise they are. People appreciate that. But when you have compassion for them even when they’re not attractive, funny, or smart, well, that’s a deeper form of love. It’s unconditional love. It’s saying, I have sympathy or empathy for you because I see and cherish your humanity, not because you got an A on the science test, or you scored the winning point in the game.

According to various psychological studies and research in the field of positive psychology, people who regularly show compassion tend to be more socially adept and often report higher levels of life satisfaction. Additionally, practicing compassion can increase happiness and self-esteem. Acts of compassion can trigger the release of oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” which can reduce stress and promote feelings of warmth and trust. This can contribute to improved mental health and overall wellbeing for the compassionate individual, as well as create stronger connections and relationships with others.

Because of this, once someone grasps that you have compassion for them that transcends what they produce or achieve, your relationship will be transformed. The other person will know that your connection is authentic. And once you forge a loving, compassionate, authentic relationship with yourself, your family, your friends, and your colleagues, you’ll be able to produce much more together.

If you asked me to rank the relative value of my skill set versus my relationships in my career success, I would rank my relationships far ahead. This doesn’t eliminate the need to be competent or highly skilled—that’s required to be successful in any field. But there are so many competent and skilled people out there, attracting clients, partners, and teammates on that basis alone is challenging. Yet when you forge trusting relationships with people that transcend their utility and ability to help you—that delve deep into the realm of human connection and compassion, love, trust, and caring—you’ll achieve far more than you ever imagined.

Allow it to be okay for others to err, even when it affects you. Most people are like mirrors, and their behaviors are more a function of how they perceive themselves and what’s happening within them. It’s not a personal vendetta against you. Whatever they do, find compassion for them. It’s the best way to build a rapport with people and develop deeper relationships. It’s also the best way for you to maintain your own composure and centeredness amidst the maelstrom of human behaviors you’ll be subject to throughout your life.