The Power of the Pause
It sounds so simple. We’re abundantly aware that we make the best decisions and are at our most effective when we’re cool, composed, and unhurried. When we maintain an inner sense of calm, allow ourselves to pause and reflect, and refuse to get worked up, we can tap into our best selves. In these times, we earn the respect of our family, peers, and friends, as well as inspire others around us to stay calm in the face of adversity.
If the benefits of staying calm are so great and the detractors of blowing our fuse are invariably damaging and lead to regret and self-recrimination, why is it so hard to do?
Turns out we might be using our wrong brain! I’m kidding—sort of. As described by Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman, we have two core mechanisms for thinking. There’s our “fast brain,” which is impulsive and instinctive. This is the ancient and reptilian part of our brain that saves us from being eaten by a carnivorous beast on the savannah. Then there’s the more evolved brain that’s slow and contemplative, which allows for more nuanced analysis. Like the game show contestant who smacks the red button at lightning speed, the fast brain always claims to have the right answer. But unless the right answer is fight or flight, it may be mistaken.
Turns out that millions of years of evolution across numerous ancestor species cannot be eradicated at the flick of a wrist. We have to intentionally pause to allow enough time for the slow brain to raise its hand, after the fast brain obnoxiously yelps, “Call on me, call on me!”
This is the power of the pause—the ability to intentionally harness the contemplative, analytical power of our slow brain.
There is such a thing as analysis paralysis—the stasis caused by overthinking something—yet that’s not what we’re dealing with here. Instead, I’m advocating for enhancing the ability to let the analysis race begin, so we can maximize the benefit of our big noggin. It’s the slow brain that reasons, “Maybe rather than calling Steve a numskull, I should share some constructive options with him.” Instead of blowing steam through our ears when someone insults our sensibilities, we take it in stride and come back with a thoughtful response.
This takes time and practice, however. It’s not always easy to resist our fast brain’s initial response and wait for our slow brain to kick in. How do you make sure that you stay calm, cool, and collected in the heat of the moment? Step one: Just understand and acknowledge that this is how our brain works. As the motto of the illustrious Faber College, of Animal House fame, teaches us, “Knowledge is good.” Know that the right response won’t generally be the quick response. Unless there’s a lion right behind you, try doing the trusty old “one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousands” count. This will magically activate the slower brain. Sleep on it is also great advice. If you’re thinking about thinking about it, well, then spend some time thinking about it. Daniel Kahneman himself put it quite eloquently: “Nothing in life is as important as you think it is, while you are thinking about it.”
The next time you’re ready to pick up the phone and chew out your colleague, pause, take a breath, and give yourself a few more hours to think it over. Maybe “pre-hearse” what you want to say. You can’t anticipate every challenge you will face in life, but sometimes you have a hunch. Do you have a big review meeting where the VP of Marketing always lays into you? Visualize yourself ahead of time pausing, breathing, slowing your heart rate, and activating that slow brain. Go-go gadget neo-cortex! Meditation is another great way to practice allowing thoughts to flow through your consciousness like feathers in the wind. Just the exercise of breathing in and out, and noticing your breath allows you to calm your body, quell your hyper vigilant instincts, and activate more developed thinking.
When you blow your gasket—which we all do from time to time—it’s worth revisiting and reflecting on the situation. We can observe what went wrong, and then simulate corrective actions that we can implement next time. Sometimes our peers are excellent models of prudence and patience, and by emulating them we can learn the art of activating our less impulsive mind. Friends and mentors may have various skills that are complementary and more developed than ours, and seeing how they manage through tough situations with grace and composure gives us an example to imitate.
I rarely, if ever, find myself in situations where I wished I had more quickly escalated my emotions and vitriol. I never thought to myself, “Wow, I wish I had blown my top and yelled louder at that guy! That would’ve showed him!” Our lives have evolved over thousands of years to the point where instinctual survival needs are scarcer and discretion is more critical. In today's modern world, the prize is usually behind door two (slow brain), not door one (fast brain). Recognizing this fact, understanding that our mental faculties work at varying speeds, and fostering a practice of downshifting will allow us to make the most informed and empowering decisions.